Releasing Fear, Anger, and Resentment: A Journey Towards Authenticity

Releasing Fear, Anger, and Resentment: A Journey Towards Authenticity

By Amber Graziano, Founder and President of Recovery Road Runners

Navigating life’s marathon isn’t just about hitting the pavement; it’s about the inner journey, confronting the personal demons of fear, anger, and resentment, and ultimately, letting go of the judgment that chains us. As a former Division 1 collegiate athlete turned ultramarathon runner, my life has been a testament to the power of endurance—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually.

The Marathon of Letting Go

Running a marathon isn’t just a physical challenge; it’s a mental one. It demands letting go of fear—fear of not finishing, fear of not being good enough. I remember lining up at the start line of my first marathon post-recovery, surrounded by a sea of runners. The fear was palpable, but so was the collective determination. It mirrored my journey of getting sober in an environment where everyone I knew drank. I had to let go of the fear of standing out, of not fitting in. Just like every mile in a marathon taught me more about myself, each day sober peeled back layers of fear, revealing a resilience I never knew I had.

Embracing the 4:00 AM Wake-Up Call

Training for long-distance endurance races means embracing discomfort, like waking up at 4:00 AM to run before the world awakes. There's a quiet strength in those predawn hours, a solitude that fosters reflection and growth. It's in these moments, planning Strava routes and calculating mile splits, that I found parallels in my sobriety journey. Both demanded a meticulous commitment, a willingness to push through discomfort for the greater goal. Seeking higher elevation gains on my runs became a metaphor for seeking higher elevation in life—striving for personal growth beyond the flat plains of addiction and societal judgment.

The Fabric of Our Lives: Running and Recovery

For many of us in Recovery Road Runners, running isn’t just a hobby; it’s woven into the fabric of our lives. Our closets are filled with running gear, our weekends planned around long runs, and our vacation spots chosen for their trail potential. This singular focus might seem excessive to some, but for us, it’s our lifeline. It's a reminder of how, in recovery, we often find ourselves out of sync with the mainstream. We navigate a world soaked in alcohol culture, finding solace and identity in our running community. Our running friends understand us best because they, too, have found salvation on the trails and roads. They, too, have chosen a path less traveled, opting for early morning miles over late-night drinks.

Letting Go of Judgments and Embracing Authenticity

Choosing this lifestyle means facing judgment. Not everyone understands the allure of ultramarathons or the joy of a 20-mile training run. But as David Goggins puts it, “To grow in life, be willing to suffer.” This willingness to suffer, to push through the pain of a grueling race or the discomfort of defying societal norms, is where transformation happens. Letting go of anger and resentment towards those who don’t understand our path allows us to embrace our journey fully. It’s in this space of acceptance that we can live our most authentic lives, shining brightly for others to see.

The Journey of Rising

Letting go is an ongoing journey, a series of marathons, each with its own challenges and triumphs. It’s about rising above the noise, the judgments, and the self-doubt. It's about finding your tribe—those who cheer for you at every mile, understanding the sweat, tears, and determination that got you to this point.

In the end, not everyone will like you or your choices, and that’s OK. Your journey isn’t for them; it’s uniquely yours. It's a journey of embracing every pain, every early morning, every mile with gratitude. For it's in these moments of true challenge that we find our most authentic selves.

So, to my fellow runners and those in recovery, let go of everything that no longer serves you. Rise to the top, where your most authentic self awaits, free from fear, anger, and resentment. Remember, in the words of Rich Roll, “It’s not about the destination; it’s about the journey.” And what a beautiful, liberating journey it is.